Oscars still relevant: this kid says yep.

Aside from the fact that this Fox News article completely stole my trite little quip about the Oscars being "my version of the superbowl," it also completely misinterpreted the "spirit of the Oscars" when it suggested that the entire pomp and spectacle of the event really has anything to do with the films...or the academy voters...or the demographic that still tunes in to watch.

The Oscars are about the celebrities. And their dresses and hair and borrowed jewels. And the quality of the host's opening monologue. And acceptance speeches. And after-parties. And Barbara Walters Specials. And awkward red carpet interviews. And, sure, that moment at the end of the night where one film takes the best picture honor and all of those proud producers, cast members and directors parade up on stage looking proud and....shorter than you imagined.

The excitement over the Oscars has very little to do with whether or not certain films deserve to win or -- moreover, according to the article -- whether small, independent art films deserve wider distribution and a shot at an Academy Award. The excitement over the Oscars has everything to do with the dreamer in all of us that always wanted to grow up and be a movie star. Win an award. Make a speech telling all of those old algebra teachers where to shove it because you knew you wouldn't need those theorems down the road anyway. The ceremonies inspire starstruck idol-worship in all of us. Once a year. For 7.25 hours or however long the entire broadcast lasts. It's at least seven hours. And that's when the orchestra is feeling particularly frisky about beginning the music to usher the winner off the stage after twenty two seconds OR as soon as they remember to thank their wife.

Apparently "industry insiders" (those nameless, faceless "movie people" I suppose) are conflicted about whether or not the 82 year-old Academy Award tradition is outdated. Here's a quote:

"Still regarded as the ultimate critical accolade in the film industry, the Oscars have seemingly managed to achieve the impossible by remaining relevant for 82 years. But in the information age, where blogs and independent Web sites allow nearly everyone the chance to be a critic, do the Academy Awards really mean anything to the average viewer?


Some industry insiders argue that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences are still the single most important force in an industry that contributes $10 billion to the economy in box office sales alone."

Because, sure, anyone can be a critic - not just anyone can roll out a red carpet and inspire the Hollywood elite to turn out in their best dress and tolerate uncomfortable interviews with Ryan Seacrest. Anyone can publish a movie review or encourage their friends to catch a little known indie-flick online, but not just anyone can inspire Hugh Jackman to put together a humiliatingly delightful song and dance routine in front of an auditorium full of better-looking movie stars. Anyone can watch a movie - not just anyone could convince arbitrarily paired celebrities to willingly participate in the horrific banter that preceeds the announcement of the winner in each category - banter so awful not even January Jones would deign to butcher it as part of an ill-advised SNL gig. For instance.

On the flip side, "By failing to recognize the shifting winds in filmmaking and distribution, the Academy risks making itself seem even older than 82, according to many industry insiders."

Hmmmm. So, what's wrong with an old, staid institution reveling in the glory of its own outdated tradition? What other hat trick will bring George Clooney and Johnny Depp and Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep into the same room, at the same time, for the same occassion OTHER than the Oscars?

They're not obsolete.

They're a great excuse to get a bunch of friends together, spread a table with junk food and come up with a million reasons Sandra Bullock shouldn't have worn that dress. Or why our hair would look better than Anna Kendricks'. Or why Amy Adams looks better with her hair down. Or how we'd totally agree to hit the Vanity Fair after party with Jeff Bridges, but not so much with Woody Harrelson. And somehow, no matter how close to the crypt he becomes, we still wouldn't say no to Captain VonTrapp. Er, Christopher Plummer.