(I'm behind the curve on this but.....) tiger woods to start foundation to rehabilitate, um...subversive cheating rich guys with hot wives.

Ok, so when we get past the fact that Tiger looked rather like a wax recreation of himself during what I shall deem "The Most Unneccessary Press Conference Ever" and ignore the patently uninteresting stuff like, oh, EVERYTHING that came out of his mouth, we come down to this inalienable truth: I don't give a flying pop tart about his cornucopia of marital indiscretions, his addictions, his lost endorsements OR his future in golf.

Aha.

Don't care if his wife and kids skinned him, added wheels, a strap and used his hide to haul their own clubs around the course.

Don't care if he's sorry or not, if he'll spend the future paying child support to poorly dressed cocktail waitresses the country over, don't care how his business partners or loyal fans feel, don't care if the sport of Golf loses any more "celebrity" over the entire ordeal.

I just don't care.

HOWEVER, I start to edge closer to caring about Bad Television. And the "press" conference (I use the term loosely because apparently there were very few "press" personnel even permitted to attend, those invited were hand picked by the Tiger Handlers and forbidden to so much as un-cross their legs during his protracted, foundation-wearing apology, anyway) was Bad Television. Boring Television. Pointless television. UN-entertaining. And, failing entertainment, also managed not to introduce any new "press" into the entire scenario.

So, he's sorry. So, he stuck it to a bunch of women less attractive than his wife (the gravest of offenses as far as the greater finger-wagging public is concerned, whether we admit it or not. see: Tom Brady. Left pregnant baby-mama for Gisele - no one blinked. It's because Gisele was hotter than Bridget Moynahan in the greater Victoria's Secret-shopping public's opinion). So he lied about it. So he's really sorry about that inevitable God complex he developed. So he wants to get back to golfing. So he wishes you'd leave his kids alone.

Nothing new.

Nothing we didn't simply assume to be true by virtue of him being - presumably - human.

HOWEVER: when he eventually checks himself out of sexy times rehab and reintegrates himself into the ever endorsement loving public consciousness, I'd suggest he think about doing something utterly magnanimous and start up a foundation. some sort of charitable organization to benefit those less fortunate.

I propose:

The Tiger Woods Center For Rich Guys Who Don't Cheat Good.

If I have to explain the Zoolander reference, shame on you.

Basically: he got caught. And other rich douches like him get caught every day, dragging wives and children and paramours out of their blissful ignorance and into the harsh light of reality - the reality of living with a Rich Person With A God Complex Who Thinks They'll Never Get Caught But Underestimate The Broad Reach Of Big Brother's Technological Gaze.

It simply doesn't have to be that way. The Tom Bradys and Hugh Grants and John Roberts and Kobes of the cheating world don't need to live in fear of Losing Everything when they can simply check themselves into the Tiger Center and learn how to be better cheaters. How to be more subtly evasive, how to cover their tracks more completely and -- in the unfortunate case they get caught -- how to put on a more compelling, more interesting, more necessary, and ultimately less waxen "press conference." Teach them when it's best to go underground and disappear for awhile and when its in their best interest to be photographed in pumpkin patches with their wives and children looking well-adjusted and faithful. Teach them that when your wife is better looking than you, the public will always take her side, you'll always look ungratefully licentious and no one will understand (or purchase the tell-all memoir penned by) the less attractive Other Woman. It's tabloid fodder 101. Keep your friends close and your webernet footprint closer. And pay them off well enough that they'll never be inclined to rat you out. Be a better cheater.

Heavens knows none of us want to sit through more press conferences like Tiger's.