Sunday, January 17, 2010

Golden Globes wrap-up coming soon (maybe)...for now, a denim treatise:


Strange discovery this morning:

My wallet is jean-ist. Like sexist, racist, ageist.

Jeanist. Denimist.

As in, displays a prejudice against skinny jeans (in my case). Descrimination based on ankle circumference.

Wallet = Jeanist.

Here's how it works: I own a lot of denim. Among my many life-long pursuits is the pursuit of the UNICORN pair of Perfect Jeans. The ones that are magically just the right length for my leg, that make all the right parts look slim, perky, "squeezable."

Every now and then I take the plunge and pony up a little more cash for ones that seem like they have UNICORN potential. Every now and then I cheat on my A-Pocket 7's with a pair of Hudsons or maybe a pair of Citizens that I ultimately decide make the ass look, yes, perfectly grab-worthy and so the groceries/gas/books budget gets trimmed to make room for the jeans.

The hitch: only if they're bootcut.

There's something about my skinny-jean psyche that won't allow me to pay Nordstrom prices for hems that get hidden under my boots.

The problem:

Since all jeans get hidden under boots these days (that is, since skinny jeans have completely supplanted the flare in the Hems De Rigueur category) my "classy jeans" are sitting, folded neatly in the closet, getting absolutely zero airtime.

The $22 Vigoss skinny pair(s): worn once a week. The "cheap n' diry sale rack" pair that was only ever supposed to be seen from thigh-to knee (with back pockets and ankles duly concealed under clothes): also being worn once a week. The "aren't I too old for these" pair from Hollister: worn tucked into boots on the weekend. The $19.95 stretchy, pre-distressed, paint-splattered pair from Papaya (yes, Papaya): traveled with me to Napa (where the goal is to sip wine and look good while looking like you didn't give looking good a second thought) and the A-Pockets stayed behind.

Starting to sound like I need to revisit my wallet's ankle-circumference bias. Those Hudsons really are a thing of beauty...and I suspect I'd still look squeezable even if the hem was hidden under the Steve Maddens or the Nine Wests. I suspect.

Time to stop being Jeanist. Why not over-spend equitably. Allow that perhaps it's OK to hide the bottom 6 or 8 inches of those Rock & Republics, because the top 24 inches would look pretty great. Purchase fancier skinny jeans. Chase that Unicorn in a strange, new direction.

And yes, that was just 396 words on jeans. It's a gift.

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