Cougar Cruises: not happening on Carnival's watch.

Aw, shucks. Carnival Cruise Line's Cougar-themed cruise was such a success they've decided to....discontinue it.

Cougars at Sea were just too much fun for Carnival lines. A spokesperson for the Cruise line ambiguously described it this way: "there were not any particular issues on board...however, we simply made the business decision not to have future groups book on this theme.'' This after more than 300 May-December vacationers took to the waters between Miami and San Diego for a little Spring Break, Alumni-Style.

What that really means: there were clearly some very "general" issues on board. Like, maybe a cruise ship overrun with cougars and their eager lil "cubs?" Apparently, according to the Miami Herald, the "first International Cougar Cruise included a group cocktail party before dinner each night, help hooking up for shore excursions, and the requisite hot tub party, of course." Seems harmless enough (*cough* SHORE EXCURSIONS *cough*).

There's a theory circulating that Carnival Lines prefers to promote itself as squeaky clean and family-friendly, and along those vaguely discriminatory lines has decided that there's nothing clean and family-friendly about 52 year-old divorcees taking their Excursions to Shore with little frat boys.

Never fear - Royal Caribbean is more than happy to pick up Carnival's...slack (heh. xtra points for appreciating my pun). In fact, singlestravelcompany.com has already booked not one, but two international cougar cruises for 2010, one on Royal Caribbean - ostensibly for the West Coast Cougars - and another next December on Norwegian Cruise lines (departing from Miami, for the East Coast Cougars). Apparently, according to the Singles Travel Co. website, you can look forward to the following "Added Values:"

• Coordinated single get-togethers throughout the week (also known as SHORE EXCURSIONS)
• Past & new Singles Travel Company travelers from our years of past trips/cruises (oooh, ahhh, they've got the OLDEST COUGARS and the FRESHEST CUBS)
• Dancing & socializing every night within our singles group (meaning they'll corral them off in their own banquet room so that someone doesn't accidentally "socialize" with someone their own age)
• Roommate matching to avoid the single supplement (this one has me mystified...."supplement?" what the...?)
• Complimentary bottle of wine from Singles Travel Company
• Singles Social Director Host (if college social dynamics still hold true in "real life" this means you'll be daily subjected to the most obnoxious personality on board - and they'll have a microphone)
• Meeting new and fun single friends……and so much more!!! (the "so much more" rather goes without saying....Why else would you opt to strand yourself in the middle of the ocean with strangers unless there was So Much More on the menu. And involves SHORE EXCURSIONS, I can only imagine)

The most fun part about the Herald article was comments from lots of righteously indignant readers who came out to throw their support behind older women's right to vacation with young men...they're standard "newspaper comment" fare - knee-jerk tirades that don't make much sense but are fun to quote:

"Unless these young men and older women are having drunken, loud, rude public parties on the cruise, how can Carnival justify not allowing a certain group?An what about gay/lesbian cruises? What's the policy there? If straight, similarly aged couples where making out in public like teenagers, that would be objectionable to many. The reason most don't do it is because of MATURITY. It looks ridiculous.So, if a "cougar" and "cub" behave appropriately, where's the problem. If they don't, then Carnival should deal with it as they would with any other passengers.I think this is a big mistake for Carnival Cruise Lines and will come back to bite them."

"This is just, straight up, age and sex discrimination. I think all Carnival cruises should be checked to make sure there are no young girls cruising with older males that they are not married to. It is the same thing. Why is it that older women are prevented from having the same kind of social interaction that men have with younger partners. They take other single theme groups. What a bunch of hypocrites. I think young guys are just tired of wasting time with all these shallow young girls who think they should be able to leave home and move straight across to the same comfort level that it took their parents a lifetime to acheive. Good on both the Cougars and the Cubs and these questions of money are ridiculous. Can't people just be attracted to people without some motive?"

Then there's this one from the one person that actually makes a rational point:

"You guys are missing the point. They are not banning older women and younger men from sailing. They just do not want a group with that theme on board. There may have been complaints from the other passengers over this."

And finally the requisite angry, insult-flinging reader who tries to get a rise out of the other brainless commenters:

"Those women should be ashamed of themselves! It's one thing if an older guy wants some pretty young "arm candy", that's only natural. But if an older woman is with a young guy it's basically prostitution."

Note, there's even an exclamation point involved in that one.

Anyway - point....do I have a point? Not really. Just an interesting glimpse into the "still-slightly-taboo" nature of cross-generational relationships (er, SHORE EXCURSIONS) when the gender roles are reversed. And how strange it seems for any cruise line to decline good business in an economic climate when fewer people are probably booking theme cruises.

Coming tomorrow: the not-quite-annual Detroit Auto Show post (and my new career goals: become one of those Car Show Models who dress up and stand next to a Buick trying to "sexy up" the LaCrosse. Or something).