Um. So. When the world ends, we'll all crawl out of the sewers in...red fishnet body stockings?

Just so we're clear: immediately PRIOR to the world ending all the hipsters will jump into the surprisingly crowded sewers to grind around on each other with startlingly well-coordinated choreography.They'll do this sewer-dancing completely sober -- not a red plastic party cup in sight. And they'll be sort of grimy and sort of greasy-looking and evoke the general idea of pure STANK, but it'll all seem pretty cool, because along with plenty of dudes that look like Project Runway rejects: Brit's there.

In a shockingly awesome leather jacket that I sort of want to reach through the screen and steal from her. To prepare for the end of the world, of course, when I might need to defend myself against frightened hipsters or sewer monsters. By dancing at them with my crazy spiked shoulders.

So yeah, Brit's there. With unsurprisingly NON-EXISTENT EYEBROWS.

Sidebar: this girl is killing me.

The fake hair doesn't look too bad in this video. Her body looks righteous. Yeah, her facial expressions are completely mired back in the 1998 days (17 year-olds can pout. 30 year-olds shouldn't) but the overall look is pretty decent, AND YET,  for the love of all that is holy about dancing in the sewers, please, DEAR LAWD, find this girl a makeup artist who believes in the art of the brow pencil. Draw those bad boys on. She'll look less like a kid who got into mama's secret stash of eyeliner and Kardashian lashes. C'mon - just cuz we're waiting for the end of the world is no excuse to neglect one's brows.

FER SERIOUS.

But anyway.

We'll know the world's about to end because Brit actually looks happy. And able to move on her own. And almost dance on her own. And she SMILES and jumps around.

This is all because Ke$ha wrote the song, of course. Because everything Ke$ha touches turns to gold (edible lactose gold even, but that's another video for another day). Yep. Britney looks happy and alert because she's singing a song penned by Ke$ha. Actually, further off-topic, Mr Wonderful and I were discussing the fact that neither of us are particularly in Dollar Sign's "target demographic." Which then led to wondering about exactly WHO her target demographic may be. And coming up totally empty-handed. I mean, I flippin love the kid, but I couldn't quite figure out to precisely whom she's trying to appeal...obviously not Mr Wonderful. He likes Real Music (with the occasional XTina exception. Cuz I'd shank him if he dissed my XTina). Probably not even trying to appeal to me, though I'm admittedly not remotely averse to music that mentions glitter in the lyrics like 1274 times on one album. I like bad pop. Whatever - someday when I bump into Ke$ha in the sewers before the world ends I'll ask her.

Speaking of End of Days - by the end of the video, the world has, apparently, ended.

We know this because...er, because Brit's wearing a red mesh...body stocking...thing. And she crawls out of the sewer into the sunshine. So - pre-apocalypse we party in the sewers without any booze wearing drab colored leather with really technically styled hair. Post-apocalypse it's sunny and urban and....Britney's the only one left on earth.

Actually, that sounds sort of okay with me. And much less stressful than, say The Book of Eli's post-apocalyptic dust bowl fantasy of sunglass porn. Britney's version looks a little more like Chicago on a nice day. The sort of post-apocalypse that pretty much makes me want to go watch a baseball game and eat a hot dog and drink a $17 beer out of a plastic party cup.

In my red mesh body stocking.

Okay, let's get this bit out of the way while I'm thinking about it: would it KILL anyone to put Brit in some "normal" clothes? I mean, I understand there's this whole idea of "video chic" that involves variations on vinyl leotards and that apparently video babes between the ages of 13 and 33 can't lip sync convincingly unless 100% of their ass is showing, but what would have been REALLY cutting edge here would have been to toss her in some awesome vintage-looking AG denim crops with some sky-high heels and a white t-shirt. Get her makeup done right, toss on some funky jewelry, repair the weave that looks like it really HAS been drug through the sewer, and impress everyone with how normal she looks.

Because there are a few quick scenes in the video where she manages a truly authentic, honest, happy grin, like she's finally having fun again. I'd rather they dress her in something that looks like a girl who's recovered and likes to dance rather than a girl who's been eaten by something Joan Collins may have coughed up a few decades ago.

Other than that: let's call this video a success.

(It's totally because of Ke$ha.)