Yes, thank you. Yes I do.
Because I keep starting these complete cop-out posts that are basically "oooh, surveys I found online about what dooooofus men think about chicks and makeup" and "oooh, NARS products that I want" and "ooh, another study - this one links lipstick sales with larger economic trends."
"Oooh."
It's asinine.
So what do I do instead?
Find an article where Jen Particularly Boring Aniston whines about hating her hair cut and feeling like a soccer mom and I think, "Solid. I can totally get behind that brand of ire. I feel her."
Instead of being pleased with her new chin-length bob, she’s been telling pals she feels like a “dowdy-looking soccer mom”!
“Jen feels the new cut is a mistake,” an insider divulged. “She was promised by her stylist that the new haircut would make her look younger, but she thinks it has the opposite effect.”
While those close to the 42-year-old actress keep telling her how cute the new cut is, “she doesn’t believe them,” continued another source. “As far as she’s concerned, it looks terrible.”
Jen’s displeasure with the new hairstyle has brought back a flood of insecurities from her past.Totally get it.
Explained the source: “She’s always had issues with her nose. “She thought she’d come to terms with its shape, but without her long hair she thinks it looks too big for her face again. She also thinks the haircut makes her face look rounder and she hates that. Her hair was really a major security blanket.”
And then I stop and think, "ANOTHER hair post? Really, Heather? You whine about your hair as if there was something wrong with it. C'mon you brat, don't hate. Get this action together and come up with something interesting to write about."
Yeah, okay, voice in my head is right - get your act together kiddo - at the very least, find a reason to make fun of Glee or Olivia Wilde or the Countdown to the Royal Wedding or something less self-absorbed.
On the other hand, voice in my head doesn't quite recognize that it's Friday, and still thinks I should be held to a non-Friday standard of effort.
In which case, whiny Heather wins and will just talk about hair and let you in on this little secret:
I can tell what Google terms direct people to my page.
And it's hilarious.
For instance, you MAY end up here if you Google:
hey i’ve got skillz
photo of stanley tucci with beard
megan fox brown wedges boots
girls in undies
slanderbeeking (or, it's cousin, slander-beeking)
eminem champagne
snookie ass
cougar cruise
the situation pics
OR, apparently any combination of Christina + Aguilera (frankly, I'm thinking I should just turn this into an XTina fansite - I get more traffic every day to my "Decade of XTina" post than anything else. Eh, people Google her a lot, I guess).
Anyway - cute to have a fly-on-the-wall view of people's googling habits. Mine are MUCH more dorky.
"Gwyneth Spatula" for instance, for my last post.
So anyway - what else can I halfheartedly subject us to on this Friday morning?
OOH - how about a music recommendation?
It is with no small measure of SHEEPISH enthusiasm that I recommend you check out "Light Me Up" by The Pretty Reckless.
Yes, the Taylor Momsen band.
It's good, actually.
If lingerie-instead-of-clothes and warpaint-instead-of-eyeliner is her secret: it's working. I'm willing to forgive the "Look at me! I'm EDGY!" antics since, behind all of the hardcore hype, girlfriend can actually sing and has a solid band to back her up. She had a hand in writing all of the songs on the album (how much of a hand....your guess is as good as mine), which was produced by Kato Khandwala - he's also worked with Breaking Benjamin, Morningwood, Paramore and My Chemical Romance. With the exception of a few very Sheryl Crow-esque sad love ballads -- which are actually quite good as well -- the album is mostly punk-edged power pop - sort of grungy pop/rock with good hooks and singalong-able choruses and stick-in-your-head guitar riffs with some playfully scandalous lyrics. Yes, there's a song where she's talking about teasing a priest in a confessional and suggesting she buy his silence by offering to commit....indiscretions with him after she admits to killing a lover who scorned her. You know, typical 16 year-old girl stuff. Er........but it's catchy - really! If I had to draw a comparison, I'd say it's....Butch Walker meets The White Stripes meets The Veronicas with a little dose of Sheryl Crow tossed in.
So, yeah - check out The Pretty Reckless. It's commercial rock, but it's better than what other "models-turned-actresses-turned-singers" out there are cranking out.
With that: HAPPY FRIDAY.
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