Okay, sorry - let's just get a few things out of the way.
First: I will NOT be dragging my pretty little buns outta bed at 3am to watch The Royal Brouhaha. There's not enough coffee in the world. And in the age of You Tube, why should I have to? AND, actually, I don't even want to. I want to oogle pictures of her hair and dress after the fact, I want to get the E! Fashion Police take on her getup, I want to be done with it. Because, sorry, have you SEEN the "Royal Wedding Program?" that they just released to us 'plebs? Wedding's gonna be about 3 years long. I'll be having babies of my own before that ceremony concludes. But anyway.
Next: I do think Kate Middleton is highly adorable. I have Kate Thigh Envy. She's svelte and pretty and photogenic and well-dressed and charming. Good for her. Don't envy her the lifestyle she's marrying into, don't envy her the in-laws, but I definitely envy her wardrobe. And her thick, shiny hair. Speaking of hair:
Third: William. Dude. Cut the hair, bro. Shave that straight off. It's embarrassing us. They've taken to cropping your head in important pictures to hide the ookiness of What's Left of It. . SHAVE. IT. OFF.
Now that we've categorized my attitudes about The Wedding, let's get to the good stuff, shall we?
Like the article in the Christian Science Monitor (yes, that) which suggests that The Royal Brouhaha is "hurting marriage in the US." They're being earnest. The article cites lavish reality television programs and events like the pending Will and Kate snoozefest as being primarily responsible for fostering an unrealistic ideal within women that their wedding must be on par with The Royals, and, when we realize this just isn't within our budget: WE CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF.
A woman actually wrote the article (which I find rather hard to believe), but that's neither here nor there. The CEO of the rather tacky bridal search engine website JustWeddings says this:
“We are in an age of reality television, particularly including lavish Hollywood-type weddings, such as those on “Real Housewives,” “The Bachelor,” and “The Royal Wedding." The amount of reality television portraying the “perfect” wedding (with an unaffordable price tag) is one of the biggest causes for the drop in marriages,” Some couples, she suggests, are “not even getting married, and using the $30,000 toward their living, whether they buy a home in the down economy or rent."
Sooooo, if we can't have a wedding like something out of an over-produced reality show, we pout, whine, feel sorry for ourselves, and jip ourselves out of it entirely? Show me that girl. Show me the girl who says, "If I can't have everything monogrammed and be dripping with real diamonds, a Vera Wang gown and bridal Louboutins, I won't get married. I'll just buy a stupid house for my pitiful fiance and myself."
Riiiight.
No, we ladies say "screw it, we'll buy a David's Bridal dress, we'll make our own invitations, we'll figure out how to create our own antiqued votive holders with spray paint and craft supplies, we'll go for cheaper wine but lots of it, and we'll have the time of our lives."
Really.
My personal bias against the trappings of "show pony" weddings runs deep, sure. I've been to enough weddings to know that the silly centerpieces and the floral arrangements and the save-the-date cards and the bridesmaids' dresses are totally lost on all of the guests and they just come to see the bride walk down the aisle, hear the vows, get weepy at how lovely it all is, watch the couple kiss, then hit the champagne and party for a few hours. That's the reality of weddings. The lavish Royal Treatment is totally for the sake of the bride, so that she can have that smug sense of self-satisfaction when she throws away all of those centerpieces, thinking, "I'm really glad my husband's great aunt liked these. Now my marriage will be a success."
Please.
Anyway - if the Christian Science Monitor thinks that watching some Brits get married at 4am will ruin a generation of women's willingness to get married in a setting that's anything other than Disney-Perfect, they've got a thing or two to learn.
Do we still want to look like a princess when we walk down the aisle? Sure - we want to look red carpet stunning for the most photographed day of our lives, but I've not met ONE woman who says, "You know, unless I can afford Lake Como and a 100 grand budget, I'm really not interested in saying 'I do.' How 'bout you, honey?"
The Royal Wedding isn't ruining anything. Except for that well-guarded secret of who designed Kate's gown. I am curious to see that dress........
In defense of men who want to let their hair go away in its own time: They have a right. I feel a little sad when a man with beautiful hair loses it (and William, like a certain young man close to me, has beautiful hair), but it is just another way of aging, and I've decided it's okay to let it happen naturally and keep what's left while it's left.
ReplyDeleteNow, faking that you have hair where you don't--yes, talking about the combover--THAT seems unwise, but again, of course, they have a right. But they really shouldn't exercise it ;-}