Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What Sports Illustrated does right.

Let's give credit where it's due: the dudes at Sports Illustrated "get it."

Cruised through a photo gallery of the last 21 years of SI swimsuit covers and with the POSSIBLE exception of Marissa Miller in 2008, there's not a bad choice in cover models for a solid two decades. And yes, once again I realize that Big Brother would take one glance at my browsing history here at work some days and think, "that's totally a 17 year-old dude trapped in a 30 year-old chick's body." Between the SI covers, the "Miley almost flashes her boobs in a see-thru dress!" headlines, the "Hot celebrities in bikinis!" sites and the occasional search for car parts or fast food menus, my web browsing habits would suggest I'm not doing a very good job at being either professional OR female.

But as for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit covers: they do a great job.

As a girl, I can give a complete thumbs-up.

They pick women who look like women.

Not plastic women, not little girl women. Sexy ladies. Ladies that, while not like anyone I regularly pass in the aisles of my local drugstore, seem like an ALMOST attainable ideal.....the version of us that might have a chance to make an appearance if we lived on a beach, ditched the bottle of wine at dinner and preferred cucumber and long runs at sunset to french fries and "Gold Rush: Alaska."

Ladies whom, it seems to me, most men should want to, um....Grocery Shop with, to coin my own new euphemism.

This year is a great example. We've got a model named Irina Shayk on the cover. Now, boobs of questionable natural origin and baby-daddy drama in the form of a World Cup girlie-man aside, there's not much about this woman that I immediately hate. She looks healthy! She looks natural! She has hips! Obviously she's in good shape, but she's not all gristle and chest bones and clavicles. There's a little meat on her upper arms. She's got beachy-looking hair and a pretty amazing face. She looks -- GASP -- human.

Now, I'm used to finding a zillion things to hate (fine: you could also read hate as envy, covet, whatever) about pictures of famous chicks in bikinis. Their patent lack of hip. Their disproportionately giant bolt-on racks. Enough space between their thighs to drive a battleship (not a euphemism). Complete absence of saddlebags. And though Ms Swimsuit Edition 2011 certainly isn't sporting cellulite or extra rolls under her ass (thips, I call them - that area between thigh and hip that carries all of my extra, um....foodstores for those long winters of hibernation or in case the world ends and we need to live off of our reserves.....), she looks like a hyper-sexy version of a REAL person.

Not jacked on surgery or lipo'd until she's got the proportions of a 12 year-old kid.

Well done, Sports Illustrated, for nailing 21 years of covers featuring women we'd ALL like to wake up in bed next to. Or Grocery Shop with.

Other favorites through the years: Bar Rafieli in 2009 (hips! more women with hips!) and Yamila Diaz-Rahi in 2002 (back before PhotoShop was so dramatically abused).

Keep it up, SI. The ladies like it, too.


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