Ha - !!! I mean....uh.....litigiousness knows no bounds.

Yeah, um, this is straight out of that SNL skit "I didn't ask for this." You know - the one with the Jon Hamm "Best Cry Ever" (which, by the way, I see has been made into an actual ringtone....geez, I need to get my hands on that). The skit involved a fake talk show starring the victims of random incidents caught on camera that become "epic web fail" vidoes. Like Kristen Wiig's character getting hit over the head with a hammer, which then gets mixed into a hip hop video. Or Jon Hamm "crying" (a sound that's less "cry" and more "dying baby whale") which gets auto-tuned and goes viral. And the subjects whine and moan about how they "Didn't ask for this" while the producer and host of the show try not to laugh in their faces.

Pretty entertaining.

Anyway - this is pretty much a real-life version of that....a woman was walking through a mall. Woman was texting while walking. Woman didn't notice a giant FOUNTAIN in front of her. Woman falls into fountain.

It's glorious, actually. Don't watch where you're going while texting and you'll end up face down with all of those grimy Mall Fountain Pennies that people let their kids toss for good luck......

So, it gets better.

She got a lawyer.

The attorney is conjuring righteous amounts of vitriol over the fact that it took mall security 20 minutes to find out whether or not she was okay. And that's not acceptable. And "what if she'd been elderly?"

Let's pick this apart a little bit, shall we?

First: it was HER FAULT. When you walk into doors and windows and fall down stairs and drop things on your toe because you're NOT PAYING ATTENTION, it is NOT the door's or the window's or the stairs' or the rock's fault. It's YOUR FAULT.

That's like saying, "oh, oops, I was texting and driving and ran into this here wall. Geez! I might have been an old person and run into this wall and died! And what took the police so long to get here and tow my car away - I might have been suffering! I think I'll SUE!"

Seriously. It sounds that ridiculous.

This article breaks down what happened and why she's holding the mall responsible for their slow response (they took 20 minutes to track her down - she'd left by that point I guess). Um, a little hard for mall people to find your @$$ when you immediately climb out of the fountain, mutter "ain't no thang....." and book it to your car out of embarrassment. What did she EXPECT the mall people to do?????

In her words: "My issue is I don't think security was professional because they didn't send anyone to check on me until 20 minutes later and I had already left."

Because you fled the scene. Ya eeeeeedyote. 


(That's "idiot" with an accent, by the way). 


Further: this would NOT have happened to a senior citizen. They don't text and walk. They don't! They're smarter than that. They are! The average senior citizen would not attempt to do ANYTHING else while walking, let alone focus their eyeballs on a tiny screen or the tiny keys of a cell phone. They wouldn't!


Anyway - hopefully she's learned her lesson. And, if not, I think I should start up the real life version of the 'I Didn't Ask For This" show and toss her up there as my first guest.