I didn't realize at the time that the show was terrible. I was seven. They were detectives. It was like McGuyver Goes To the Office. It didn't get any better. Handsome crime solvers. Ooooh, ahh. Such was borne, apparently, my lifelong hangup with police procedural television, the love of which knows no bounds.
But more about that AJ Simon.
My mother has repeatedly informed me since that "I picked the wrong brother. AJ was a priss. His brother Rick, that was the hunky one."
Gerald McRaney? Really? I dunno, AJ may have been a priss, but he wore "suits and ties." So, too, did my father at the time. And to my seven-year old self, dad was the ultimate paragon of class and authority, so how could a girl go wrong when choosing the hunky blonde detective who ALSO wore the suits and ties? It was a no-brainer. Real Men Wear Suits (preferably without Leather Elbow Reinforcements, but hey, sign of the times).
Anyway - when my sister and I would play our own imaginary version of "Simon and Simon" in the backyard, her younger-sister-sentence (handed down with great...aplomb....by my bossy older-sister-self) was that she be relegated to playing the Rick Character because he - heaven forbid - wore FLANNEL SHIRTS.
Where's the class in that? Flannel? To solve crimes?
Shudder. Mr Parker is nearly 63 now....wow, that makes me feel pretty old right there. First crush of my life is enjoying his social security benefits.
Right. So - second crush of my life was on my second grade school principal. Mr Gardner. Staged elaborate fantasy sequences (or, as elaborate as an eight year-old could fathom) that involved the school filling up with water and Mr Gardner swimming through the hallways in bright red shorts. I dunno, maybe AJ Simon wore red shorts to go swimming in an episode.
Segue into the high school years and my affections were locked on the Vice Principal. Mr Schultz. Mostly bald, of course. I think Jameson Parker was the only crush with a solid head of hair I've can recall having, period. Bizarre. And we wonder why my adolescent years flew by in a datelessly dry spell. No gentlemen suitors coming to call. No dates to school dances. I dunno, I probably could have tried harder, but at that point: none of them were Mr Schultz.
Hey kid, what's yer point?
My point: it stands to reason my expectations for gentlemen my age were a little high. Or, um, we were fed a steady television diet of High School Characters Played By Actors Pushing 30. How could the average sixteen year-old dude have possibly looked good enough when every show from 90210 to Dawson's Creek featured a parade of Grown Ups posing as something close to kids.
Glee does it.
Gossip Girl does it.
Grease did it.
Hollywood supposes that real, actual teens are awkward enough not to play themselves convincingly enough, so they enlist 26 year-olds to play more believable versions of high school students.
The list of movies and TV shows starring actors old enough to play their characters' parents (ok, not really) is long an illustrious - here's a slideshow I stumbled across today that got a good chuckle - it's called "Old People Who Played Teenagers:
A spoiler (one of these ladies was 28 when she played a high school junior).....
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