Uh, George, ditch the broad (she's turning you into Ben Affleck).

So, we remember the days of Bennifer, no? The moniker that spawned a million other celebrity name hybrids like Brangelina, TomKat, etc?

I know - a lifetime ago.

BUT - remember, also, that it marked the advent of the most morose-looking period in Ben Affleck's life, where every photo of him looked more like a wax re-creation, and nary a smile was spied from the begininng of that relationship with Jennifer Lopez up until, oh, the opening of Gigli?

Remember further that after they split, married other people, figured out how to relax and smile again, all of us were finally able to breathe a collective celebrity-loving sigh of relief, knowing finally that Ben would go on to live another year or two and JLo would continue to sacrifice mink hair for the sake of her eyelashes? All was balanced in the world again.

Yeah, so Clooney needs to take a hint from that particular story arc and ditch Elisabetta Canalis. Because Canalooney drives us nuts.

And she's sucking the life right out of him. 

Granted, I wouldn't necessarily want to break things off with a woman with legs like hers, either (seriously - the woman is straight out of a shaving gel commercial - amazing legs) but the facts are uncomfortably obvious to every woman between 19 and 87: the Clooney looks certifiably waxen in every single photograph with this woman. Further evidence that he needs to hop on his Harley and zoom far, far away from the gorgeous -- albeit frosty-looking -- Italian babe with the cool tattoos and great legs: she's become a Twitter liability.

No major movie star wants to have to do damage control because of a poorly interpreted Tweet in Italian that somehow managed to allegedly compare Jennifer Aniston to Iggy Pop. The alleged quote: “I’m flipping through the new Rolling Stone. Iggy Pop on the cover is the double of Jennifer Aniston.”

Granted - that's funny. And, uh, sort of true.

HOWEVER: consider the fact that those same women who love Dear George more than they love their own sons also believe they'd be best friends with Jen Aniston in "real life" (if they lived, like in the same zip code or shopped at the same Whole Foods or got their waxing done at the same spa. They'd totally do happy hour at sushi joints or pretentious wine bars together if they just lived a little closer).  

SO - Clooney has himself in a pickle. His Queen Frostine girlfriend is offending the Aniston-loving masses. Death threats follow, I can only imagine.

So now, not only does Clooney appear dour and serious and boring and angry in pictures, his girlfriend is busy ticking off America at large. This simply doesn't help the image. Doesn't help Clooney. Doesn't help Jen (because, as much as I'm terminally annoyed by the woman, and as eerily apt as the comparison seemed, it's still a low blow coming from a woman most of us see as having stolen Our Man. And we know we can't compete because we don't have legs like hers, or a name like hers, or an accent like hers....we just don't). AND - clearly none of this helps Elisabetta endear herself to us over here stateside, either.

This is where Clooney should make the big gesture: dump the broad. She's become bad PR.

We like him better as a globe-trotting playboy rather than as angry arm candy, any day. And yes, make no mistake - she's the one holding the reins here. In her world, he's the wealthy, hunky Yankee who's been granted the honor of accompanying a real Italian model to dinner.

By the by - she outright denied tweeting the Jen insult. HOWEVER: her Twitter account has since been removed. Let's hope it's George getting in there for some damage control.

If you can't keep her under your thumb, cut her loose.

Your legions of dedicated fans simply don't like the girl.

Canalooney: clever, right? Sounds sorta like an Italian entree?

Came up with that allllll by myself.