Listened to my favorite song by "The National" again today on my way to work and there was that particular verse at the end of the song that, of course, made me think of you again (though these days, I think I'm usually thinking of you on my way to work...). Anyway, it's that verse that says,
"You know I dreamed about you
for twenty-nine years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for
for twenty-nine years"
Which is, while infinitely sappy, a sort of beautiful, fitting thought, given that we're both on one side or another of twenty nine years and just finally "met." Always in quotes, that word "met," since my thirteen year-old self would probably put a smug little hand up and say, "uh, you sort of met him like, sixteen years ago. get it straight, lady."
But I would just tell my little thirteen year-old self to chill out and would remind her that knowing OF someone is different than knowing someone.
I'm glad I know you, now.
Actually, I still get a kick out of thinking back to that cute guy and his skateboard who looked so good in those baseball pants all of those years ago, and realizing "if someone had told me back then that years in the future the two of us would click like....legos: I wouldn't have believed them," but it's true.
Why am I tossing this up here on the world wide webernet for, oh, anyone and their mother, and my mother...or for that matter (if she were so inclined) your mother to read?
Good question.
Maybe because I'm proud of you and me and us and figure everyone deserves all the wonderful recognition they can get (and if that comes in the form of a blog shout-out, hey - I'm technological like that). I learned from my mom, actually, what a blessing it can be to reinforce people, build them up, compliment them, tell them exactly what you appreciate about them as often as you can, as honestly as possible.
Maybe because it feels safe, and healthy and wonderful to know I can be honest with you, transparent with you, and hey, at this point, you even find the neurotic parts of me endearing. I can bust out Monday-Evening-Cranky and know you'll still like me on Tuesday morning.
Maybe because you listen -- patiently -- when I whine about the horrible job (over...and over...and over again). And - while it must take a certain amount of effort - you don't immediately leap in and try to simply solve the problem - you just listen. I know that's practically a genetic impossibility and can't be an easy task, so thanks. Thanks for being a man who listens, empathizes, understands.
Maybe becuase you remember the little things I say -- you do. You're an excellent listener...
I can't tell you how shocked I was to hear after our first date that you not only remembered my favorite color, you actually went out and investigated what that meant about me. Ditto the Gemini thing. Little gestures that showed you wanted to know and understand me. Big impact.
You appreciate words and conversation and thought and introspection - you actually use the brain God gave you. And he gave you a great brain. A brilliant mind. A sexy mind. And a compassionate, generous, selfless spirit that I admire and respect to no end.
Other things I admire endlessly: your music. Watching you play those damn catchy riffs: lots of fun.
Dig the fact that you know how I like my Americanos.
Ditto the fact that you'll spring for the bottle of wine over the cheap beer for our dinner dates (hey, after years of only hearing "what's your cheapest draught beer" when ordering, it's a pleasant change - ! Not that you can't order cheap beer, by all means, drink up....!). Seems like a silly little thing, but it means I get to experience "dinner out" in a fundamentally different way.....
I admire your dedication to and connection with your family (especially the way you've been there for your mom). You're dependable. Trustworthy. Dedicated. Responsible.
I admire your honesty, how comfortable you are talking about any and everything, respect that you want to know what I think....I dig that we can agree on most things, and enjoy disagreeing on a few others.
The amount of thought you put into endearing little things like what jacket to wear with what shoes is downright adorable. Also adorable: the impressive way all of your clothes hang so symmetrically equidistant from each other in your closet. Must be a man thing.......
You endure my champagne adoration. See - it's good!
You're wonderful. And I'm a lucky girl, fortunate to spend time with someone who puts a smile on my face, every day.
So....thank you. For simply being you.
You leave 'em all in the dust, baby.
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