And how about I toss out a roundup of the latest celebrity breakups (rumoured or otherwise). Sweet. How about after that I link to an article that suggests most of us "lose our sense of self" following a breakup. Excellent. How about I take that one step further and laugh in the face of "most of us" by launching into a completely self-righteous tirade about reclaiming my sense of self after shedding the heavy husk of a dead relationship. How about that?
Sounds like a plan.
First up: initial whisperings that something is quite wrong with the Sandy Bullock/Jesse James union are surfacing. She's cancelling premiers, he's rumored to be "preparing a statement," there are pictures of trashy "other women" popping up on the webernet, things like that. My take: the rumours are always true. Also: as a chick, your relationship is pretty much cursed the second you touch that best actress Oscar statue. Charlize Theron, Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Winslet - they all lost their men when they won their Academy Awards. Their careers also rather tanked, but eh, collateral.
Speaking of Kate Winslet: Sam Mendes may or may not have stepped out on her with that Uptight Brunette From Vicky Cristina Barcelona. The one that DIDN'T want to get on the plane with or sleep with or fall in love with Javier Bardem but ended up doing all 3 AND getting shot in the hand all to a beautiful flamenco guitar soundtrack. Yep - that girl. And Kate may or may not be attempting to take comfort in Leo's arms (naturally. that's a boring, predictably place to take comfort. She should have done something unpredictable and hooked up with John Mayer). Actually, this could be a mighty crowded love triangle there, what with his supermodel girlfriend in the way and what not.
Speaking of John Mayer. If he's bored, Britney's back on the market. She and her agent/boyfriend Jason TraSomethingOrOther are no more. That guy sort of looks like what would happen if Tori Spelling's husband Dean Something got together and had a kid with Jason Schwartzman and Owen Wilson and that kid went prematurely grey. Anyway - apparently this is no big surprise, apparently their boring relationship has been rocky for awhile, it happens.
Oh - and Tori Spelling's husband? His name's apparently Dean McDermott and he's also apparently "trapped" in his "crisis marriage" with Tori. Yep. We'll call today "Black Patty's Day" because apparently famous (er, ok, to be fair, Tori and Dean are sort of Faux-Famous) couples are ditching each other en masse today. Hot day on the gossip blogs. Or, it's like a breakup bandwagon. "So and so is getting covered on Dlisted AND Perez Hilton and I totally feel unimportant right now - babe, let's break up for the day, k?!"
Along those lines - Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian (my least-favorite of all our hot-bodied socialites with their own fragrance product line) have also hopped on that breakup bandwagon "for real." Whatever. Don't care about these guys. The gossip blog message board people: they care. Read lots of "keep ya chin up kim, u totally deserve better!" comments. Consider my eyes rolled.
Also consider me slightly bummed that J-Love and J-Kenn broke up after a year of sneer-inspiring cuteness. I sort of had high hopes for those guys. They seemed so unlikely it almost had to work. My guess: it was a brother-sisterly chemistry that couldn't really sustain 'em for the long haul. Lifelong companionship after the initial honeymoon sparks fade: necessary. Sparks fading too quickly and leaving you with a goofy roommate for the rest of your life: less necessary. I suspect they fell into the latter camp. Anyway, now she's taking her inclinations toward serial monogamy to the streets once again to track down her other half.
According to some psychology students at Northwestern University, these now "plus-oneless" celebs will struggle with a diminished sense of self. Here's a quote:
"Couples often share friends, do the same things in their free time, and talk about the future. They say things like, "We like traveling," and finish each other’s sentences. The more committed they are to one another, the harder it is for them to distinguish their individual differences, the researchers describe in the February issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin"
Hmmm.
Maybe.
My better guess for this scenario (though who am I to contradict PhD candidates): in most breakups, we've got a dumper and a dumpee. Sure, we all dream of being in the sort of open, communicative relationship where troubles are discussed before they're simmered over, where arguments don't happen because good conversations DO, where everyone's on the same page about the future, sunshine, puppies, rainbows, that sort of thing - but it doesn't always happen that way. So we've got a dumpee that's left with a less clear sense of self (a "who am I without them????" kind of crisis) and a dumper that probably feels like they've just gotten a new lease on reality. A re-attachment to themselves. A clearer, brighter, cleaner view of their own identity, gloriously separate and apart from the ties that bound.
Having your world turned upside down isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometime upside down sends necessary blood to your brain. Knocks you out of your previous love funk. Sets you straight. Insert cliche of choice. If "...we know that relationships change the way we think about ourselves," according to lead author Erica Slotter then being on the other side of that particular relationship hurdle could open us up to thinking about ourselves from a more empowered angle.
So, spurned celebrites: toss back a Guiness or three and celebrate your new sense of self. Or start a club. Sort of like a book club....or a sorority. Then write a screenplay about it, produce it, direct it, star in it and win another round of Academy Awards. In a movie about Academy Award winners and their lonely hearts and diminished identities. Just make sure you cast Sam Worthington in it. He's really, ridiculously good-looking. Stupid, inarticulate and boring, maybe: but hideously, insanely good-looking. Here's a slideshow of him from Details magazine. Because I can.
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