Remember when I used to do those "People having a worse Friday than...." bits where I bolstered my sense of self-importance by finding celebrities having terrible days? Let's do that again. Link-fest time. I know, I may never top the moment where I declared myself less lame than David Beckham, but the man WAS holding a giant plate of fish sticks in the middle of the soccer field while grinning wildly. I just can't reconcile that with any conventional definition of "cool."
Er, full disclosure: this was not a bad day at all in The Office Full of Old Men Who Discuss Weight Watcher Points Ad Nauseum. In fact, it was a lovely day - our phone lines suffered some sort of Friday-itis and refused to accept incoming calls for several hours. This left me with plenty of time to catch up on important online discussions about whether or not we ladies should aspire to look like Kelly Brooke. The consensus: of course, dolts.
First up: Today's viral favorite, The Sean Bean Death Reel, courtesy of the fine minds at Pajiba.
What you need to know: Sean Bean has swagger. Sean Bean looks good in period costumes. Sean Bean has perfected the "I had no idea you were gonna shank me" expression -- equal parts surprise and smug resignation. Resignation because Sean Bean always plays characters who look good in period costumes and then DIE. I'm struggling to remember a film in which Sean Bean lived to the end. Sean Bean should probably never be cast in a romantic comedy alongside either Emma Stone or Jennifer Garner in which he plays an unexpectedly romantic bloke who'd previously only been good as a pub crawl buddy. Because he'd DIE. Ooh! Speaking of pub crawls: we remember Sean Bean was in a bar fight last month, right? He may or may not have been wearing a period costume when he was stabbed in the arm by a patron wielding a shard of broken glass, and like a true stud who's used to being surprised with sharp objects, spun right around and ordered up another round? Atta boy, Sean Bean.
Anyway: go here to see the (GRAPHICALLY VIOLENT) Sean Bean Death Reel.
Right then.
Next up: Jon Hamm & Matthew Lewis.
What you need to know: This Matthew Lewis kid is apparently in Harry Potter. His character has the unfortunate name of Neville Longbottom. I had never heard of him until today, BUT, apparently this 22 year-old man-child has pulled something of a Laney Boggs transformation. Read that as....he's all that. Ehhhhhh.....I'm calling Hollywood's bluff. Just because an awkward British kid grows into his nose, gets his teeth fixed and puts on a smart suit does not immediately give us license to fawn. Fer serious. So what's that got to do with the price of Hamm? Welllll - people are drawing Jon Hamm comparisons. Darn, I wish I had the patience to dig up a link to the site where I first read that, but, yes, folks are calling this toothy Lewis kid the Second Coming of Hamm. Again: ehhhhhhhhhhhh.....until he manages to make exploding out of a womb, covered in slime while playing a saxophone seem like the perfectly logical ending to an SNL skit involving dream catchers, I'm keeping this guy solidly perched in the camp of other Potter alums who will have to work long and hard to break out of the magical prep school mold. Some days I wonder if JK Rowling shouldn't just round them all up and whisk them off to some sort of commune where they can relive the glory days in peace, free from the weighty expectations of forward career momentum.
The larger question -- why does this mean these guys are having a bad day? From my vantage point, it doesn't bode well for Jon Hamm that tabloids are already trying to replace him with someone younger and more gangly. It doesn't bode well for Matthew Lewis, because there's no way he can live up to that comparison, and it's all downhill from here. And it doesn't bode well for my peace of mind knowing that I may be subjected to more pictures of this kid in the near future, but I can always go watch The Sean Bean Death Reel to clear my head. Therefore: their Fridays are worse than mine. That picture up there, by the way? That non-blonde is Lewis. He's not helping to sell me on the skinny tie trend much, either.
Last up: Rock Stars
What you need to know: It's very hard to avoid Harry Potter Mania this week. So I won't try. I'll just embrace it and revel in this oddly genius Rolling Stone feature they're calling "Rock Stars Who Look Like Wizards." Aw, my man Eddie Vedder puts product in his hair and wears a natty velvet sport coat. It's actually a pretty creative concept....I mean....you can't exactly call Taylor Swift or Bieber "rock stars" proper, BUT, they're famous music people. And if Biebs wasn't frightening enough already, they made him into He Who Must Not Be Named (or however that phrase goes. I'm not down with the Potter Lingo).
Again - why does this mean rock stars are having a bad day? For one, they're in a Harry Potter Photo Feature. How the mighty have fa-----nevermind. Also: I'm pretty sure it's not fair to Eddie Vedder to appear in any sort of photo essay along with Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga. Ugh. Either way - score one for photo editing, but it's a knock to the Rock Star Image, fair and square.
Here - to guarantee nightmares, I'll sign off with this:
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