....and, someone in California has my name and is passing out my email address....can I capitalize on this somehow?

So - the greater southern California theatre community can count one pretty bright kid among their ranks: so bright, she doesn't even realize the email address she's giving people does NOT, in fact, belong to her.

Delightful.

Actually, yeah, it is delightful. I'm privvy to all sorts of really boring details about the life of someone involved in selling pashmina's for $12.95 a pop, who sends lavish thank you gifts to her friends, and who likes to be kept in the loop about upcoming auditons.

The trouble: she's not getting these emails.

Because I am.

It started with boring, not particularly personal messages like this one, from a Mr Frank Vignola, offering me some options for comedy classes I might want to audit:

Frank Vignola to me

another auditing option...


Class this Saturday, July 24th at Broadway Comedy Club is the Main Showroom from 2:00 to 5:00.


This is the first class of "The Masters Class with Frank Vignola at Broadway Comedy Club" (Summer Session - Saturday section).


Please let me know whether or not you will be attending class this Saturday as I know some of you have scheduling conflicts in July.


But the good news is it's my understanding that most of those conflicts will resolved on a case by case basis by August.


A couple of class rules…


1. Bring a tape recorder if you own one. And if you don’t own one maybe you should buy one.


2. You may bring video cameras to class to tape yourself if you’d like.


3. Be prepared to do what you currently consider to be your most industry savvy and audition worthy five minute set.


4. Auditors are welcome. So whether you’ve got friends in town who just want to watch or somebody you know is interested in the class but wants to check it out first, all are welcome.


Monday nighters doing makeup sessions please re-confirm as well.


Sincerely,


Frank Vignola
frankvignolacomic.com
broadwaycomedyclub.com ("Interested In Comedy Classes?")
646-243-4361

Then it moved onto more interesting things, like, oh, spreadsheets with great info on them, like SKU numbers from the SGI-USA Bookstore in Santa Monica, wherever that is. Oh - and before you accuse me of being a stupid twit who not only opens emails not intended for her but also snoops through the likely virus riddled-attachments, I'll defend myself by saying, um, "what? I couldn't resist!" and leave it at that. So far, virus-free. But, all that much richer for knowing that SKU 516, Also known as "Taneesha's Treasures" is in stock at the bookstore, but being held for disposition. Darn.
 
Then I get a message titled "Old Japanese Books." Mmmm, fascinating. Open it up (sorry - can't help it!) - it's more bookstore info:

Hi,

Here the list of old Japanese books. Please note qty that you have of each and send to me. Then ring out the books and give away.


Thanks,


Melissa

Melissa Hilton-Silver
SGI-USA Bookstore Operations
606 Wilshire Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90401
310 309-3228 office
310 844-8599 cell

At this point, I started getting a little concerned that whomever was passing out heatheradair@gmail as their address was actually supposed to be receiving instructions from her employer, or something and that they're going to the wrong email box and she'll never get the message that she's supposed to "ring out and give away" the old Japanese books....(there's a spreadsheet for that, too).
 
Over the weekend, it got slightly more personal:

Hi Ladies,


I am working on some of the things we talked about last week.


I found the shawls-they will most likely be Pashminas with an embroidery. Pashmina is the soft wool underbelly fur of a Himalayan goat. They are lightweight yet warm. They are some lovely "FNCC" type colors available. I am trying for a $12.95 retail.


Tell me what you think-should it be an FNCC logo or can I do a beautiful SGI 8 petal lotus logo instead? I just think the SGI logo is a little bit more sophisticated. Thoughts??

I am also working on the travel mug-should have some more info on that by the end of the week.


I sure had a great time working with you both. I miss you already!!


Best,


Melissa


Melissa Hilton-Silver
SGI-USA Bookstore Operations
606 Wilshire Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90401
310 309-3228 office
310 844-8599 cell

Okay, at this point I had to do a little digging. What on earth is the SGI-USA bookstore? Ah. Why, it's the US branch of the Soka Gakkai International Organization. Happens to be a group founded in 1975 as a support network for practitioners of Nichiren Buddhism. Hmmm. Who knew? So, they have a bookstore, they're selling embroidered pashminas......and I'm now part of their club.

I actually replied to that one. I felt a little bad. Like someone was actually missing out on the joy of participating in a decision about whether to go with beautiful lotus logos or something more corporate on those $13 pashminas.....So I said,

I've received several emails from you recently, and I believe they were intended for someone else. Though pashminas are certainly lovely (!!!) I'm really not particularly well-qualified to help you decide which logo is more sophisticated. It seemed rude not to let someone know that your emails aren't being delivered to the correct recipient. I wish you (and your old Japanese books!) the best. Kindly correct the email address you have on record. 

Yeah, so it was dorky. Smarmy. But whatever. I thought it might stop. Maybe these Buddhists would pass the good word along: the Heather they were trying to email wasn't the Heather on the receiving end. So I felt a little self-satisfied. I'd done my deed for the day.

Then the next morning:

Hi Heather and Karen!

Thank you both so much for all of your hard work last week and for welcoming and taking care of us! I had a wonderful time. I can't wait to see you both again soon (I will be there mid August).

I mailed you several butterfly tickets and square labels for the fukusa. Please feel free to let me know if there are any SKUs I missed and/or if there are additional tickets you'd like me to print for you. I'd be happy to send those to you anytime.


Thank you so much.


Julia

Hmmm - now in this case, I'm not terribly worried because Julia mentions she's mailing tickets - and in that case, she -- presumably -- has the correct mailing address for the real, live Heather with whom she intends to correspond. But really - does the real, live Heather wonder why she's not getting her emails?

Anyway - the latest arrived this morning:

Hi Heather,

Thank you so much for the wonderful gifts!! I was so happy to see them when I got back to my desk!! :)

I had such a great time working with you and Karen!!! Thank you so much for all of your hard work.


Julia

Yep.
 
Well, at least we're well-mannered and gracious.
 
I give up. I'm just going to have to resign myself to being a silent participant in Mystery Heather's Buddhist, butterfly-loving, Pashmina-selling, Bookstore-organizing life, in tiny bits and pieces.