So, every now and then a girl gets tired of hearing her co-worker (who's essentially afraid to breathe air or eat Doritos or live in the same house with a new vinyl shower curtain (the chemical fumes! the chemical fumes! the aroma of vinyl! We're gonna die! We're all gonna die!) or microwave her food) constantly spout platitudes about the value of "natural products," and "organic living" and "chemical-free this, and chemical-free that." Every now and then a girl just wants to eat her bologna and her "yogurt made with high-fructose corn syrup" and drink her diet soda in peace.
Every now and then I get a little smug. Like this conversation yesterday:
(**to set the scene, the fear-mongering co-worker arrived at work with what looked like a sunburned face. bright red**)
"I can't believe I reacted to this product! It was all natural - I only buy natural skin products anyway, no petro products AT ALL. My face burns - like a sunburn...from a natural product! I would expect better from a natural product."
"Poison ivy is natural."
"...that's true..."
HA! Score one for the chemical-user. For that matter, e coli is fairly natural. It can kill ya in all of its natural glory. The sun can kill ya too. That's about as natural as you get. Get nibbled on by a cobra, or a black widow, or a rare breed of spiny toad - naturally - you're dead. People are basically suckers for marketing schemes. Five years from now we may find out that raw shea butter accelerates skin cancer in rats. Or causes lazy ovaries. But for now, we'll spend 30% more to feel like we're supporting a slightly healthier cause.
In fact, we'll avoid hydrogenated fats and petroleum products and vegetables from Tijuana and Fruit Loops and laundry detergent right up to that fateful moment when we're hit by a car or a tree falls on our house or a CRANE comes smashing through our organic restaurant and...we're dead.
How 'bout that.
