Because if I suffered through them, so, too, should you.
First up: James Cameron in general. More specifically: James Cameron's creepy wife and his giant Avatar payday. So, the guy seems like a first class moron. I refused to watch Avatar because I didn't want any of my reasonably hard-earned dollars to end up anywhere near the wallet of James Cameron - or his creepy wife. So, when I read this story about precisely how much money he got (which will allow his wife to continue to starve in luxury, apparently), I was a little "yuckked out." As my favorite source Celebitchy puts it:
"Deadline Hollywood is reporting that Avatar director James Cameron is set to make a $350 million (MILLION) payday off of the $2.7 billion success of the film. Can you believe that? Apparently, Cameron has some kind of sweetheart deal with the studio where he gets a percentage of the theatrical gross, plus an even bigger cut of the DVD sales. Considering Avatar did make $2.7 billion, Cameron’s payday is about 13% of the total gross. And how much did it cost to make and promote Avatar? A lot. Like $500 million or more. But that’s still more than a billion dollars of pure profit for the studio. So everybody wins!"That's a lot of cash. Got me thinking (much the way giant lottery billboards get me thinking) about exactly what I'd do with $350 million. Here's the short list: Hotel in the Maldives. PhDs in topics from Sociology to Shoe design and everything in between. Hip/Thigh lipo. My own publishing company. I'd actually MAINTAIN professional hair styling. Like, every 6 weeks like clockwork. And I'd fly them in from, oh, flippin Paris if I thought it would serve me well. Sailboat for my pops. House on a tropical beach for my momma. Until I run out of money. I have a feeling the hotel in the maldives would pretty much wipe out my stash, but hey, if I were James Cameron I'd just make another stupid movie with a laughable script and giggle all the way to the bank (without stopping to buy my wife lunch on the way. Because she doesn't need that. She also doesn't need to step a pretty little foot outside, because I like her looking like a True Blood cast off - sexy that way. Sexy like me, James Cameron....).
Moving right along on the "ew, YUCK!" spectrum we've got the alleged Kate Bosworth augmentation. On the one hand, I can appreciate that she's come back just slightly from the Skeletor days of 2008. On the flip side: ew, that cleavage is just all wrong. Granted, this could just be an unfortunately....binding dress that's sending her rack in different, unnatural directions, but I look at those independently mobile bumps that sprouted from her more or less boney chest and can almost hear them arguing with each other...."We'd look better if we were up higher! No - wait, you go that way, I'll go hide under her armpit! Er, um, actually, it looks more comfy up there under her chin! Shoot - we can't breathe....we can't breathe....quick - RUN!" Or something like that. They certainly look artificial. Correction: they must be - skinny girls with no body fat would have a very hard time boosting up a particularly volumptuous....STERNUM in a way that fills a bustier.
What else have we got: OH - we've got the ever-loathesome Kate Gosselin walking around New York barefoot. That's a great "Gross!" moment if I've ever seen one. She actually took the kids with her this time...I had to think about it for a moment, but I believe it's the first time I've seen her with so much as a single spawn in tow since, oh, Dancing with the Stars.
I tend to think if you're going to be doing a lot of walking around a city (fine, let's call it like it is: if you're going to be taking the paparazzi on a guided walking tour of Ellis Island) you should probably have the good sense to bust out a pair of flip-flops for the day.
Or, fine, some understated gladiator sandals.
Or even some low-heeled wedges or perky little flats. Wear flippin Crocs for all I care - because if you grab the kids' hands for an all-afternoon jaunt while wearing some pretty ill-fitting strappy stilettos the odds are good that you'll end up wishing you hadn't. And then you'll be photographed wandering around on bridges without any shoes on. And THAT will definitely not acheive the leg-lengthening look she was aiming for. This condemnation is even coming out of the mouth of The Girl Who Would Prefer To Wear Heels At The Beach Because It Makes Her Legs Look Less Stumpy. I just have the good sense not to act on that preference.
Because it's weird.
Here's more fuel for the Friday afternoon "Ew, YUCK" fire: Kathy Griffin may (or, we pray, may not) have hooked up with Levi Johnston. Yes, shake your head around, blink, rub your eyes - you read that correctly. The National Enquirer has a pretty comprehensive theory on this odd couple, here's a snippet:
"While the comedian has talked about her obsession with Levi and joked about seeing his “goods” in recent interviews, The Enquirer has learned that Levi’s pals say the pair did indeed have sex romps - on multiple occasions.
Levi, 20, and 49-year-old Kathy had their first encounter in August 2009 when the comedian took him as her date to the “Teen Choice Awards,” according to a close pal of Levi’s. The source adds that their fling continued after Kathy performed in Anchorage, Alaska, on March 5 of this year.
“Levi said that he hooked up with Kathy when he visited L.A. for the ‘Teen Choice Awards,’ and again when she went to Alaska for her stand-up comedy show,” revealed the pal. He was excited when he bragged to friends about how he was going to entertain her at his house after they spend theday together ice fishing.
“The next night, Levi went to Anchorage to stay in Kathy’s hotel - they went to dinner and then to a gay bar called Mad Myrna’s before going back to her hotel.”"
Er - yeah. I sort of hope this is true, because it's pretty disgustingly awesome. Odd Couple o' the Decade sort of territory....but isn't there something sort of uncomfortably...."knowing" in the way he has his hands on her hips? I'm not sure a 20 year-old kid would really opt to get so touchy-feely-on-the-waistline of a 49 year old unless he'd gotten comfortable getting touchy-feely in a different capacity....am I way off base?
So - I'll spare us the weekend-ruining site I found with a comprehensive list of all of Mel Gibson's bone-chilling, horrifyingly disgusting comments (where he throws around vicious epithets and threatens violence and murder toward the mother of his most recent baby), because the language was so horribly offensive I couldn't even bring myself to link to it.......let's put it this way: Tom Cruise: you've got nothing to worry about. Compared to the hideous workings of Mel Gibson's mind, he's America's Sweetheart all over again. I actually believe Mel DID say a lot of those things, just like I believe he has an alcohol problem and a general HATE problem and I feel like he should be court-ordered to forfeit his fortune to charitable organizations that help battered women, but that's a different story for a different day.
For now, allow yourself to be ooked out by the likes of James Cameron, KateB Boob, KateG Toes, and all things Levi Johnston. Shudder.
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