When bad clothes happen to hot men.

Ok, first things first, Adrien, my love:

Step AWAY from Paris Hilton.

Atta boy.

Now, let's tackle that issue of what you're wearing.

I'll make a broad, blanket statement. I LOVE a man in leather pants. Love. Remember Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate About You," in that scene at the chick rock show where he shows up to buy Julia Stiles a bottle of water and hollers about how she's never looked so sexy? Dorky scene, Hot Leather Pants.

Hot, hot, hot.

In fact, I thought it was damn near impossible for a man to go WRONG with leather pants, especially a man like you. They say, "I'm equal parts rock star and biker stud," so there's a certain urban cache to the look of, oh, leather pants, combat boots and a white tee-shirt. Can't be beat.

Actually, add a shaved head and some tattoos to that equation and....oh. You've got Vin Diesel. Hmm. Well - as long as he just stands there, glowers, and keeps his mouth shut I think we can handle that image.

Anyway.

Adrien, darling. You're this very rare, very unconventional brand of foxy and you usually nail the fashion thing. But you've pulled off the impossible: you've managed to give leather pants all the sex appeal of NSync, circa 1998. It's the train wreck of Cannes fashion this year - and believe me, the Cannes fashion railroad tracks have been VERY busy this year. Lots of near-misses (think: Rachel Bilson in a faux-tuxedo-styled, dropped-crotch pantsuit romper).

Add to your mess the hideously sack-like jacket over the top of the Lady Gaga t-shirt and the Wretched, Horrible, Fresh Prince-esque shoes poking out from under those three-feet-too-long-and-seamed-down-the-front "pants" and you've got what amounts to the sort of fashion choice a middle school kid hopped up on Mike's Hard Cranberry dons before riding his bike to the spring dance (if one of his parents happens to be a buyer for Hot Topic and they've got an end-of-season pleather overstock).

A fully-grown man does not wear this outfit, dear Adrien.

A fully-grown man does not debase the sexiness of Leather Pants by using them to make some sort of "Devil-May-Care" statement about the meaninglessness of fashion and the fact that you're above it all. It's just a sacrilege.

And Adrien, sugar: if you think this is sexy, I'll just leave you there with Paris Hilton, where you clearly, obviously belong, in that case.

For shame, for shame.