Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Aw, that's more like it!

John Mayer is back on the gossip sites. Heather can now resume breathing normally.

(Also: this site totally ripped off my Double Down comparison. They just did it with pretty graphics. Guess that makes me a "geekologist." Check it out. And I promise, that's almost the last I'll mention of the chickenwich....)

And back to more important things.

The Mayer.

And his Twitter obsession.

Or, in this case, his Twitter DISDAIN. Oh yes. He spends his nights awake, obsessing over whether or not the site is still a relevant way for him to inflict his self-obsorbed, racist, sexist genius on the rest of us brainless rabble. Oh, and while he's pondering that he still manages to find opportunities to insult Jennifer Aniston. Hmmm - in that regard, he and I have something in common: we both think Jen's sort of vacantly stuck in the past.

Wait.

Back that up.

John Mayer and I have something in common?

Damn. Lo, the apocolypse is nigh. Really nigh. Like, particularly, especially, frighteningly, VERY nigh. And how fun is that word? Underused word of the century: nigh. Used primarily in Christmas Carols and when harkening the arrival of the end of the world as we know it. Times like this, when I realize that both The Mayer and I think Jen is sort of a fading archetype with a shaky grasp of the technology that makes her so overexposed and boring.

But this isn't about Jen. It's about The Mayer.

A "normal person" (meaning, any of us who don't answer to the name John Mayer, for simplicity's sake) would just cancel their account. That's too direct, too low-budget for everyone's favorite musical moron. He makes announcements about THINKING of cancelling his account. Because it's "over." It's "so last month." His time would be better spent making a sandwich.

Yes, actually, that's true. Make that sandwich, EAT that sandwich, when your mouth is full, Mayer, you're less likely to be SPEAKING. And when you don't speak, spring flowers bloom, birds sing in the trees, the clouds part, the rain stops, rainbows appear in the sky......

....uh, yeah.

Shut your mouth, Mayer.

And because we all care, here's the article from ContactMusic where he calls Jen old school and calls Twitter out-dated

John Mayer has revealed he is planning to cancel his account on micro-blogging website twitter because he thinks it is ''over'' as a means of communication.
John Mayer thinks twitter is "over."
The 'Gravity' singer - one of the most high-profile users of the social networking website - admits he is growing tired of micro-blogging and is preparing to cancel his account on the site, unless its owners change its purpose.
He said: "Within in the last couple weeks, every night I think about cancelling my twitter account because I think it's pretty much done.
"I just think twitter as a form of communication, I think it's over to be honest with you.
"I would rather see twitter be a cork board of links to other more important things, because it's really sort of flawed from the beginning. I can't tell you how many times I meet people or I'm having dinner with people who write stuff and they get upset they have haters now, like, `Why do I want to invent more reasons to have haters?'"
The musician - who has previously dated stars including Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson - has come to realise that he could utilise his time better than spending his free moments on the internet.
He added: "I might as well spend that time making a sandwich or building a model ship or something.
"My challenge going forward is to basically disregard the need, the obsessive need for external validation."
It has previously been claimed that the 32-year-old singer's relationship with Jennifer ended because of his obsession with twitter.
A source explained at the time: "John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her emails and when she would finally catch up with him, he'd say, 'I've been so busy with work. I'm sorry I haven't had time to email you back.'
"Jennifer was fuming when she looked at the activity on his page. There he was, telling her he didn't have time for her and yet his page was filled with twitter updates!
"Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he'd update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like, 'He has time for all this twittering, but he can't send me a text, an email, make a call?' "
P.S - have we clued into the fact that there's a certain love-hate relationship I have going on with DoubleDouche that's, ironically, more love than hate? He's a fascinating character study into those with no filter. Those who actually say whatever they're thinking with no regard for how it makes them look. Repeatedly. Incessantly. Even when it's in their best interest to keep their mouth shut.

Fascinating. In a completely obnoxious, perilously difficult-to-ignore sort of way.

I'd hate myself for dedicating this much white space to such a moron, but hey - he's entertainment.

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