I definitely do some of my most inspired thinking in those half-conscious minutes between snooze button slaps - in those lethargic moments of sort of ethereal stasis when part of me ponders a chocolate donut for breakfast and part of me tries to finish that conversation about microwave popcorn I was having with Nick Nolte in a dream before NPR's Robert Siegel breaks in again to fill me in on Hamas or the stock market (I wonder what would happen to my 9-minute spans of sheer genius if I set the alarm to a classical music station or...classic rock...I might become even more enlightened) I come up with some of my best theories (I'm a latent sociology fiend - while conditioning my hair or plucking my eyebrows or sitting in traffic, more often than not I'm theorizing about sociological phenomena...well, that and wondering what on earth happened to D.B. Sweeney in the past 10 years to take him from the World's Ultimate Dreamboat to a washed-up, vacant-eyed, beat-up husk of a man...sigh).
At any rate - I range from concrete moments of reasonable genius (a strange moment of clarity when I figure out the best way to consolidate our credit card debt and get a better interest rate and vaguely think about writing it down before I fall back asleep again, for instance) to more abstract thinking. Case in point:
This week between snooze buttons I came up with the answer to the suddenly ubiquitous question "Where are young Hollywood's parents? Why have all of these rich celebrities gone so awry?" It's been all over the news; it's a question Letterman posed to Nicole "I might be
Where have they been while their daughters are passed out on the floor in the men's room of a hotel, playing with knives, driving their cars into things, mixing alcohol with "antibiotics," and shaving their heads?
Thank you, snooze button, because I think I have the answer. Similar to my Theory of Inadequate Socialization is my theory of "Premature Emancipation Due to Financial Viability."
One thing most of these wayward celebs have in common is cash. Money. Titanium American Express cards issued along with their silver spoons. Bottomless bank accounts, trust funds, you name it. Trouble is, wisdom, a sense of responsibility, discretion, the ability to make smart decisions or even a basic understanding of mores and guiding moral tenets of society aren't included on the paycheck.
What does that translate into for rich, famous spoiled brats and their families? The way I see it, the famous teenager is able to buy a Mercedes or a Hollywood Hills mansion or an NYC loft (or their own weight in cocaine, or a lifetime supply of Ciroc...) which I think gets misinterpreted (by their parents and peers and media alike) as being able to provide for themselves altogether - which isn't such an unreasonable misinterpretation to make, considering the BULK of young adults ARE prepared to live and behave as adults by the time they move out of their family home. It's just an unfortunate mistake to make, in this case, to assume that financial viability and physical emancipation from the guardianship of their parents (legal or otherwise) translates into a realistic ability to behave as an adult living on their own ought.
Add to that the fact that wealth is as powerful a drug as any - and having the ability to BUY anything and anyone (essentially) that they want will lull the average high-school-aged kid into a sort of...intoxication of invincibility. If you can have a car and a house and a restaurant and a manager and a body guard and a ranch for your dad and a Land Rover for your mom and a closet full of Christian Louboutins, it makes sense that you'd perceive yourself as a provider, as an adult - and also expect that if purchases come easy and credit is no object, that this "credit" would extend to social situations, that if you're treated as an adult when you buy your house, won't that same money earn you respect if you mess up and run your car into a tree? If you can buy your way out of your parents home and into a sort of suspended-adult-reality, stands to reason you'd think you could buy your way out of any pesky situation with the right amount of money.
Just because they become the primary bread winner for their family (or because they're allowed to go live on their own and provide for themselves) doesn't mean they're equipped to deal with the social expectations that come with adulthood or with the responsibilities that come with being a provider...coming into cash doesn't mean you've grown up and I think parents mistake the fact that their children are sustaining themselves financially with being mature enough to handle themselves across the board.
Yes, you learn by making mistakes - but buying your way out of those mistakes isn't the answer. And turning a blind eye as parents when your kids veer off-course - or CONDONING the notion that money can cure all ills, legal, social, political, cultural or otherwise - is what gets kids in trouble. You learn by discipline. It's a parent's job to discipline, not to fear that their cash flow or publicity or celebrity will get cut off if they upset their meal-ticket child (and I think this applies even to the very wealthy Hilton parents as well - they cash in on their daughter's celebrity status as much as anyone - Kathy gets press attention, gets her face on magazines...they're exploiting their daughter for reasons other than money gifts, but it's still an abuse of their role as parents).
Their responsibilities as parents don't stop simply because the kid has their own car or lives on their own. Your responsibility as a parents NEVER stops, and it's sad to see moms with stars in their eyes over their daughter's bank account, or a dad reveling in the attention he gets regardless of the fact that it's because their child has gone off the deep end. It's a dangerous cocktail, money and celebrity. Parents willingly forsake their responsibility to their children because of the kickbacks...and forgive their kids' gross misbehavior as simply, "a phase, what kids do," or explain it away with the excuse that, "she's just figuring some things out right now," (because heaven forbid your kid sells the house they bought for you...)
At any rate, it's a workable theory - let kids loose on their own before they're socially prepared simply because they can AFFORD to live on their own and watch the train wreck. Just make sure you've got your make-up on because the tabloids will be asking for your take on the trainwreck that is your daughter, and it would be a SHAME not to look good for Entertainment Tonight.
Great post.
ReplyDeleteThat shows what happens when you can provide financially for yourself and everyone around you at an obscenely young age, but you have no idea how to address your emotional needs, or, indeed, socialize with anyone not in your social strata. So what do you do? Flash the cash. After all, as the songs go: it talks, and rules everything around you.