Wednesday, June 20, 2007

leave me AND my bologna in peace...



Ok, superguy, I get your point: you wouldn't eat what I'm eating.

You think my tasty, heavenly little slices of mechanically separated turkey solids, hydrolized gelatin, modified food starch and sodium erythorbate (my "Meat Composite Cocktail!") are "bad for me."

And that's fine. Because I wouldn't want you eating my 98% Fat Free Bologna, anyway. More for me.

Thing is, I didn't ask you if I was good for me. I didn't consult you, Kashi: Go-Lean-eating Superguy, before I ate my 25-calorie-per-slice discs of pure happiness. If I wanted your opinion on my lunch, I would have asked.

While we're at it, aren't my mechanically separated turkey solids, snap peas, bell peppers and dried papaya slices a little higher on the "good-for-me-food-meter" than your giant bagel and cream cheese? HMMMMM?

Oh, what's that? It's "organic, non-dairy cream cheese substitute?" You think you've won this round, but don't get too comfy resting there on your health-food laurels - I see the weekly expense reports: last week when you had a lunch meeting, you went to that sports-bar-dive a few blocks from my house...and you BOTH ate the BBQ beef burger - with FRENCH FRIES. And a pint of Jolly Roger.

Mwuahahahahahahahaha.

Leave me and my beloved bologna alone and no one will ever have to know what I know: that the box of Kashi on your desk is the SAME box that's been there since 2005, and you DON'T eat it for breakfast.

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