Dear Heatheradair,
I know you think your life, like, totally blows right now - like, you have no cash and your job is totally leaving your nails chipped...but, like, compared to my life right now, yours is hot.
First of all, I totally don't have time to read all of the fan mail I get every day...so I hired somebody to flippin read it for me because when I have like, nineteen new clubs to check this week it's hard to keep up with all that sh*t. But I guess sometimes, like, important stuff gets mixed in with all of that fan mail, and I'm supposed to like, PERSONALLY look at it or something? So I guess I got like, my license suspended but didn't know it cuz I didn't read my mail. Not hot.
And then I got pulled over for driving with my headlights off or whatever and I find out I totally wasn't supposed to be driving AT. ALL. But of course the guy I hired to KNOW stuff like this told me I could drive if it was for, like, important stuff like shopping or going out or whatever.
ANYWAYZ, they made me go to court. SO I put together THE. HOTTEST. OUTFIT. I totally looked like a lawyer, and I pretended I was, like, on Law and Order and looked all serious, but they used all these big legal-type words about probation and previous offenses and then the old judge guy told me I have to go jail. For 45 days!
Jail!
Not like, rehab or someplace cool like that with tons of hot guys and other famous people. I can't even go shopping in jail! Meanwhile Nicole will be, like, everywhere totally stealing my photo-ops.
So you might think your life is totally lame right now because you've got a bunch of homework and your house is really messy and your bank account is totally drained, but at least you can still go buy shoes on your lunch break or whatever. I mean, I don't even have a publicist right now!
Paris
hiya, pal. i stopped coming over for awhile b/c you hadn't blogged in 4EVER and then i stopped blogging for similar reasons to yours and then here i come over and you've got like, 5 new posts.
ReplyDeletesneaky!!!
anyway, sorry for the absence. life so crazy sometime! your cinco de mayo post made me laugh. you can't imagine how much of a big deal it is in texas. not because anybody gives a shit about mexico's independence, but because it is an excuse to drink an assload of tequila on tuesday night. also, i totally understand about the boat people. i grew up in a community on a lake. i think our boat people must use their boats a lot more than yours. you could always tell a boat person by their nasty blonde hair, halter tops and gigantic diamond rings. we called them lake rats, though. they always looked dirty. as a matter of fact, i still gauge how wealthy someone is here by how filthy they are. rich people don't even feel like they have to clean it up to go out around here.