And lo, the day was finally upon us.
Somewhere in the gorgeous Italian countryside, a slightly horse-faced "model" with the most magnificent backside ever to grace a brazillian-cut bikini is crying "shoulda kept her mouth shut about that marriage thing" tears into a very expensive pillow that probably still smells like George Clooney's commitment phobia. I suspect.
She's now part of the club. The Club of Perky Brunette Arm Candy Not Allowed To Admit They'd Hoped To Marry George Clooney." There are a handful of them.
Makes me wonder - why the international hangup with whether or not this guy puts a ring on a girl's finger? Why do we care if he's settled down, monogamous and reproducing? Nationally, culturally, we can't fathom someone successfully high-profile NOT placing marriage and children at the top of their priorities. And, on the flip side, what woman (in her right mind, not in her Elaborate Fantasy Mind) would actually want to be shackled to this guy for the long haul, anyway? The guy's married to his work -- and it's not just films; he's heavily invested in charity/ambassadorial work in the Sudan. It's enough to keep the guy busy. Until Darfur looks like the Garden of Eden, there will always be something more important to Cloons than picking out the right diamond and running around to the OBGYN appointments.
Oh, gee look -- I was right. He said it himself in an excerpt from "The Daily Mail."
‘I tried marriage and it didn’t work. I have had long relationships with women and they get bored with me working all the time. My fear is that I would make a lousy husband and I don’t want to put myself, or anyone else, through the pain of finding out. If I was my girlfriend, I wouldn’t put up with me for very long.’
See, for all of the fantasies this guy inspires in a surprisingly (confoundedly) large percentage of American imaginations, he'd be one heck of a disappointment in real life. And he's very up front about this. SO, to the small army of strikingly similar-looking, caramel-haired women left in his marriageless wake: you can't say you weren't warned. And make no mistake about it, you WON'T be "the one who changes his mind." And beginning a relationship with any such delusions pretty much puts an expiration date on the fantasy relationship (no matter how amazing your ass looks. Ahem).
And while we're analyzing what Elisabetta did wrong - how about this comment made recently to an Italian news source:
‘I could never be with someone who every time he opens his mouth says he doesn’t want a child with me or to marry me...My boyfriend has not given an interview on his private life since 1999 – everything that you read is just a rehash of stuff that has been written in the past...My second job at the moment seems to be maid of honour. For the time being that’s how it is, but I’m not putting any time limits...Who knows what will happen? I am a firm believer in marriage, in the future I will be married, but for the time being I am happy as I am. I don’t need anything to confirm how happy I am.’
Er - uh...got it.
She drank her own Kool-Aid.
She believed the reports that she might finally be "the one" to squeeze the Happily Ever After out of the most publicly confirmed bachelor we've seen in years. Which makes the rest of us average folks up here in the cheap seats chuckle deliriously - we saw it coming - was she so secure up in her Lake Como tower that she thought she could start dropping hints to international media outlets and actually prove the rest of us wrong?
Apparently.
Note to the next cocktail waitress or wannabe actress or international swimwear model out there: stay young and pretty and don't kid yourself: he's not gonna marry you, sweetheart. Just ask any of these ladies:
Also: I, for one, will not be tumbling all over myself to make Lake Como my next vacation spot, hoping that I (in all of my young, perky auburn-haired beauty) might be the next one to take a ride on Clooney's motorcycle. I guess having an upper lip is sort of up there on my list of requirements.........
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