It seemed like a good idea at the time......?

Things that are great:

The video my sister and I made 15 years ago of our Ken dolls posing as members of NSync and refusing to discuss any song other than "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You" with the faux-Carmen Electra Barbie character. And they mooned the camera a lot.

The fact that Heidi and Spencer are back together. Er, "back" being supposed, since, you know, they never really split in the first place, right? Or does it even matter if the marriage is a sham, anyway? And how do you officially file for divorce when you're probably not even officially married in the first place? And can he bring the beard back? I mean, with the beard you expect him to bring the crazy.....with just the white boy 'fro, however........well it's misleading. And why were they frolicking on the beach in matching white outfits? Why were they doing that? And why did we photograph them? And why did I click through every one of the pictures? But really: great that they're back together.

Sir Michael Bolton on Dancing with the Stars. I mean, Brandy was bland but precise, Bristol was adorable and excited, The Situation was a good sport, but Michael Bolton, man. I mean, it's not just because I have "I Said I Loved You....But I Lied" as my cell phone ring tone (and alarm clock right now, as it happens), there was something so dedicated in his awfulness I just want them to keep him around. He was so gentlemanly. So completely talentless. But so gallant. Aw, Mike, man, you really can't dance. The Posture Bar? Really? That thing looks like........

Things that are not great:

I don't know which part of this is the least great: the fact that Jamie Lee manages to look 10 years older than the woman who's 10 years older than she.

Or the fact that Sigourney's hem manages to be so much closer to the floor, even though her legs extend so much further toward the sky.

Or the fact that their makeup in that harsh light makes them both look like they slid off the morgue slab, slapped on matching dresses, argued over who had to be the one to take the Ugly Shoe Fall in those horrid brown pointy pumps (which would have been smokin hot about 6 years ago....) and turned up to their premier wishing those matching dresses seemed as funny in person as it had on the phone a few weeks before.

Or the fact that this fool-proof color manages to find the one complexion on the planet it does not flatter, and the poor girl didn't even have the presence of mind to distract from the bad color by doing something -- ANYTHING -- with her hair.

Or the obvious breast comparison that happens as soon as you see where nipples land relative to waistband on both of these ladies.

Jamie Lee wins this one by a long shot, because even though she looks about a million years old, she's fit, toned, rocks the Halle Berry hair, and has -- blessedly -- remained startling Botox-Cat-Face-Free (those are LINES around her mouth and eyes and on her forehead. And they look human, and normal, and the silver hair works).

Sigourney: try some bangs. You're lookin good for 60, otherwise.