Holy gaming problem, batman (and also: why the food in my kitchen would survive a nuclear holocaust)

On the topic of things unnatural, an "obese Chinese man" collapsed and died after a 7-day online gaming marathon. The reason he'd stayed in front of the computer for 7 days straight: "There are only two options. TV or computer. What else can I do in the holiday as all markets, KTV and cafeterias are shut down?" Apparently the markets and cafeterias close down around the 7-day celebration of Lunar New Year, and this poor soul, when left with no dining-out options, decided to spend 7 days in front of the computer.

Sigh.

I don't know what's more unnatural: that he played computer games until he died or that he couldn't last 7 days without the markets and cafeterias and so essentially killed himself. Death by online gaming over-stimulation. Not the first time I've heard of this sort of thing, either. A Korean youth died several years ago after a massive online gaming competition during which he sat in front of a computer for 50 hours straight. Taiwan reports several similar deaths, all cite heart failure stemming from exhaustion as the cause, as most of the gamers (all men in their 20's) would sleep for extremely short spells and only get up to use the restroom.

So this got me thinking: Jack Bauer hasn't used this technique yet. Sure, maybe it's not as instantly menacing as ol' bags-over-the-head or knives-through-the-kneecap or broken fingers or chemical cocktails. BUT - it's creative. And it would make me giggle to hear the Jack Bauer yell "I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU PLAY THE SIMS FOR 100 HOURS BUT I WILL DO IT IF IT HELPS ME FIND THAT BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" or "PICK UP THE JOYSTICK AND PLAY, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!" Hey, I'd love to see a scary terror-monger cowering in fear at the sight of an iMac. Or an angry CTU suit demanding another Jack resignation because he subjected the wrong bad guy to "Rise of Nations IV"

But enough of that. More about my kitchen cupboards.

I was standing in the kitchen the other day, innocently snacking on a handful of Fruity Pebbles (my theory on cereal: why allow it to get soggy: don't ruin it with milk in the first place) when I realized the sell-by date on the top of the box said July 08, 2009. That in itself is pretty impressive. Way-to-be, Post cereal, for creating a product that could rival a Twinkie's shelf-life. That got me curious. What else in my kitchen is designed to sit on a shelf until Jesus comes back?

• Campbell's "Thick & Hearty: SIRLOIN BURGER" soup, for one (mmmmm....)

• Easy Cheeze (White Cheddar!)

• Crystal Lite (my great-grandchildren will be able to enjoy a refreshing glass of "Strawberry Sunrise" long after I'm gone)

• Green Olives (check on that jar in the back of your fridge that you bought for making martinis on New Year's Eve five years ago: they're still fine and tasty and green as ever. Promise)

• Generic "Butter Flavored" popcorn (probably good for eating during a marathon online gaming championship. It'll outlast you..)
  
  
• Ginger Ale (I think I'll leave it for whomever moves into my apartment once I've moved out)
  
  
• Marshmallows. Unopened, I think their jet-puffed tastiness lasts for about 27 years.
  
  
• JIF peanut butter
  
  
• Bisquick

The list could go on...but startling to realize some of my groceries are built to last better than the people that buy them. And yes, there is a fridge full of nice, edible food (white wine, dill pickles, salsa, provolone; the essentials), but comforting to know in the event this early daylight savings causes computers to freak out and send us back to the dark ages (and the people that buried gold in their back yard fearing Y2K will be the gods among us) I'll be able to live happily on popcorn, easy cheeze, and marshmallows. mmmmmmm......

The Britney postpartum depression theory makes sense.

SO - terrible disregard for HIPPA aside (but then, what average rehab facility orderly wouldn't violate a little thing like patient confidentiality for the chance to sell Britney's diagnosis to gossip websites and tabloids in exchange for more money than they'd bring home in a month or twelve), this postpartum depression diagnosis theory makes sense. Ok, so it's a little spooky that she has a "death list" of her "enemies" (she's a washed-up teen pop-star. Do teen pop-stars have enemies......? of course they do - how else do I suppose Law & Order comes up with those fantastic plot lines about sociopathic cheerleaders and homicidal has-been child actors if pop stars didn't have enemies. how naive of me....) and I still can't quite reconcile the tattoo compulsion on the heels of the head-shaving ordeal, but I have an idea that it was a misguided Brit-Attempt to add a little happiness and joy to her otherwise overwhelmingly overexposed existence...hey, they said she was reading Brooke Shields' book in rehab...I think I smell an attempt to champion a popular cause in the works. Her comeback will follow her stint as a motivational speaker as the voice of underrepresented new mothers the country over (which will necessitate another Matt Lauer interview) .

Makes sense, though, doesn't it? This type of depression (though widespread...Postpartum Support International estimates 1 in 8 mothers suffer from a postpartum mood disorder of some sort) seems to go undiagnosed and unrecognized until something high-profile (and usually tragic) happens to bring some legitimate recognition to the condition - most of Britney's bizarre behavior seems in step with someone trying to self-medicate for depression - drinking, drugs, avoidance, emotional instability, unpredictable behavior...the suicide watch (which may or may not be true, but if extreme postpartum mood disorders play any part in driving a mother to kill her own children, stands to reason it could also drive a mother to kill herself).
Frankly, if it does turn out that Britney's battling extreme depression (and is open to receiving treatment to help heal and work toward being a responsible, caring parent) then I think she stands to accomplish more for postpartum depression than we've seen so far - if it could happen to this pop princess, it could happen to anyone (seeing public service announcements playing in my mind now...).

Here's my optimistic shout-out to Britney...may she receive the help she needs and get back to being a mom. Even a bald mom. That would be the ultimate come-back. Careers may come or go, but children need their parents for the long haul (shoot, I'm well on my way to grown-up and couldn't make it through a week without my mom!)